Tonight, he got angry and yelled. He didn’t strike out or anything to intentionally hurt me. But when he accidentally hit me with his knee while bitching about the window not opening I automatically flinched away and was reduced to tears. My mind automatically flew to that Summer’s night when your fist connected with my soft skin and a piece of myself died. I am not a weak woman, and I have found myself a kind hearted man that I adore and who adores me in return. I know that he would never lay a malicious hand on me but you seared that memory into my soul and suddenly I am once again the scared little girl that cowered at your feet. Except this time, I have someone that holds me when I cry and whispers I’m sorry when he didn’t even do it on purpose, instead of berating me and pretending it didn’t happen the next day. You scarred me.
I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
saying checkmate
whenever they get out
without a broken heart.
Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
so shattered
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my flying parts.
